it’s been about a month since my last post, and nearly 3 since my last health-type update. since the new year, i’ve had my meds reevaluated. i wasn’t being able to keep anything in my system long enough to actually gain nutrition from it, and my antidepressant wasn’t staying long enough to keep me at a therapeutic dose.

i lost 15 pounds between November and February. i think most of that loss was in January, because that’s when i really noticed things starting to turn. food was out of me in ~16 hours. it’s supposed to take 24-48 hours from intake to exit. my mood tanked hard.

i talked with my doctor, and we adjusted some things. i cut my metformin dose in half, and added a different controller med. it seems to be working out okay for now. i’m actually keeping food and meds in my system long enough to actually digest it, and my mood is stabilizing again. my sleep has taken a turn, though. if i wake up, i’m Awake. i can compensate a bit by napping, but i don’t really want to get back into that habit. i’d had a pretty good sleep schedule for a couple of months, but now i’m just. not sleeping well, i guess. the sleep i get isn’t restful.

i’m back to playing video games. i want to art, but it’s not happening right now. i have things i want to work on, but no energy to do them. so instead, i pretend to be productive by playing Stardew Valley (where i am a farmer) or Minecraft (where i control the world). i’d like to be able to play the Sims again so i could build houses for my characters. i have some clear ideas that i want to be able to get out of my head and onto paper, but i need the right tools for it.

i probably shouldn’t play computer games much, though, because of the screen issues i’ve been having. the edges of my screen get yellowed bars when my computer heats up. i’m staving off replacing the system as long as i can, because we just took care of my brakes/tires/mom’s brakes, and finances are a bitch. it’s not really the games’ fault, because this happens from regular use, too. just drawing for an hour starts the yellowing. i currently have binder clips around one corner of my screen to keep it at bay, but it’s a temporary solution, and really only helps to keep the screen from popping apart (like my first Surface did).

i also just got Katamari for the Switch, so i’ve started rolling stars. i remember the dialogue being in English when we played it on PS2, so it’s a little strange to hear Japanese dialogue now. i didn’t see an option for changing the language, so maybe i’m not remembering correctly.

today is a bleh day. the sky is gross and drippy, mom and Gana are sick. the dishes need to be done, but i don’t have the energy to do them. i wish i could sleep. i wish i had energy to do the things that need to be done. i wish i wasn’t so frustratingly bored.

One Reply to “state of being”

  1. As stale as it sounds, I’m sorry you’re dealing with so much. I’m glad you’re tolerating food again, and that your mood is better. I’m sorry about the computer, and fully understand the desire to art but not the energy to do so; I was there for several years and as you know have only recently begun ago. Re: Katamari, glad to see it’s on Switch! My recollection was no actual dialogue spoken, just text, but the last I played of that was on my PSP several years ago (RIP).

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