i’ve been on my antidepressant for almost two weeks now. i think it’s doing something? i’m actually enjoying video games. it might just be the shiny new modpack with neat game mechanics, but yeah, i’m really enjoying playing minecraft again.

i’m trying to sleep better. i have a whole list of things to help reset my sleep habits*, and it was all working fairly well until two days ago. the past two nights, i’ve been to bed late and slept poorly. when i wake up to bathroom, it’s taking too long to fall back asleep. the cat isn’t helping much because he has this habit of counting down the hour before he gets fed by being the most obnoxious he possibly can be (scratching on the furniture, meowing as loud as he can, and otherwise just being a nuisance). this isn’t much of an issue in the evenings, but mornings are awful because his breakfast time has been moved up to our wakeup/pill time instead of an hour later.

*the most helpful for me has been to keep my phone away from my bed. i can’t zombie into four hours of games/fanfic if it’s out of reach, and if it’s not within reach i’m much more likely to get out of bed when the alarm goes off.

about a week ago, i learned that i’m diabetic. i spent a couple of days in denial (because i’ve never shown any symptoms of diabetes, but apparently one doesn’t need to), read a lot about hypoglycemia and what influences it, and started checking my blood glucose every morning. two evenings ago, i started actually taking the metformin that was prescribed with this diagnosis, and i can tell it’s doing the thing already.

i’d really like to not hate or blame myself for this, but i can’t help but feel like my body has betrayed me again. the last time this happened (body betrayal), i ended up getting surgery and was on steroids for two(?) months.

i’m paying more attention to what/how often i eat. i’m not running scared from sugar/carbs, but i have cut back considerably. i need to get this under control. i’ve seen too many times how messed up having your blood sugar levels out of whack can make someone, and i don’t want to end up there. i don’t want to be insulin dependent. it scares me more than the diagnosis.

i’ve taken on inktober (though i’m doing an altered witchtober prompt list). i’ve only missed one day, which feels pretty good. i’ve not drawn much besides my daily prompts, though, which brings me back down a little. at the end of the month, i’ll add all my drawings here.

i have several things that i want to draw, and things i’m working on that i’d like to finish. i need to be stable first. i can’t do my best work right now, and i want to be able to give my best to these projects.

to sum up, i guess, i’m getting there. i know not to expect radical change overnight, and that it’s a process. there will be good days and bad, and i have to just take them as they come. it’s pretty much been my philosophy for a while now, i just have more tools to help me manage the bad.