CW: depression

wednesday, i started taking an antidepressant. i probably won’t see any improvement for at least a week, but i think i feel better. i do think my anxiety is a little up because i was a lot more jumpy driving to the doctor yesterday than i have been in a while.

thursday, i met with the psychologist. she’s nice, and i like her. she doesn’t want to give me too much to focus on at once, which is probably the most understanding a healthcare provider has ever been. first, we’re trying to help with my sleep issues (not going great yet, but i’m just starting so i don’t really expect immediate results). i have a list of things to try and retrain my brain for sleep. i’m supposed to cut back on the naps. if i get into bed and don’t fall asleep within 20 minutes or so, i should get back up and read or colour or something. i shouldn’t spend time doing awake things in bed, like reading or fucking around on my phone.

she also wants me to try and go to the gym. maybe not go inside, but at least try to go to the parking lot. which means: i need to repack my gym bag, get dressed for going to the gym, then drive down. once the gym bag is repacked, i can leave it in the car until i actually use it, so that will cut down on the steps/energy required for this. getting dressed to go is probably the most energy-consuming part of it all. the idea being that if i can get back into the habit of going to the gym, my mood will probably improve some. i don’t doubt it, because i was feeling pretty great going to the gym.

yesterday, the Sib had an appointment with a sports medicine specialist, and it was exhausting. the appointment was at the time we normally get up, so we were up 2 hours earlier to get ready and go. not gonna discuss the details right now, but the experience left some sour taste in our mouths. we came home, fed the cat, then went back out in search of pot for the Sib and a colouring book for me. got pot, but the dollar store didn’t have a great selection of colouring books. maybe go to the one we normally frequent today or sometime this weekend.

we came home again, watched a couple episodes of American Horror Story: Roanoke (catching up from when we stopped watching during Hotel), then napped. for a few hours. we needed it, honestly, but now i’m wondering, as i sit at almost 0100 writing this, if maybe i played myself.

dinner was had. it wasn’t the full meal we were expecting, since we didn’t have tomato soup, but if we went to pick any up, we would’ve been eating at 1930 or 2000. the sandwiches were tasty, though.

i think i’m mostly trying to get enough thoughts out of my head that i can try and sleep. otherwise, i’ll lie awake in bed for three more hours.

i can’t get the song The Bed (from Hair) out of my head. probably because most of the lyrics are things i’m not supposed to do in bed. ugh.

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